It's been a while since I last wrote. These few weeks have been a tremendous relief, a relief to my life as senior. Many things have came around these days. From cabin break over Gatlinburg and to how I got "Syaf sophomore" as my new nick name. Haha. Well, placing those things aside, life is good, and I can't simply express how grateful I am. Senior year is not as hectic as before, many interesting things took place, as well those unprecedented stuffs in store. Owh well....
Overall, I would say the gatlinburg trip was decent. I remember the old days when I was a sophomore and junior, getting the chance spend every single fall and spring break together with the seniors and the super seniors. This time around, I'm the only senior and the rest are sophomores. Don't ask why, let's just consider it paying my gratitude to them seniors. Too bad, this was probably my last trip. I'm not sure myself if I could simply make it next time for snowboarding due to some unforeseen planning. I might make it again, but I might not. Hopefully yes though.
6 months left in the both Vandy and the States. I've been spending my days walking around the place, mostly midnight and early in the morning. Too bad, these couple of days are turning freezing cold. Well, a remedy to that is a walk with some hot choco in hand, too bad it'll just cool down just as quickly. Ok, let's switch to malay. Kadang2 terfikir jugak, whether nk sambung belajar, but then, tak rasa nk dah. Tired, tired and tired. I'm not sure if I am ready enough for the working environment. But that's when the excitement comes in mind, to meet new people, to travel around, to make things right, to make life more interesting.... Somehow, rasa macam malas nak balik.. Reason? I don't know... Maybe umur masih muda, I kinda wanted to meet more new people, to see the world myself, and to go around the world. Except of course, the same reason shared with everybody else. Encik Duit takde... Share market not as strong recently, US economy seems to be deteriorating, bad... and as if that's not bad enough, things are harder to calculate. Hopefully ada enough dough to face this final 6 months.
I remembered what Adeeb and Wira used to tell me. Every single story they shared. Sometimes, working world is not a sweet as you thought it may be. Life is not easy, and it'll never be. Only those who are strong willed will be able to survive. It's a man eat man and dog eat dog world out there. I guess that'w why Grad school exists. Exists solely for the purpose of providing those who's tired in the working environment a place to rebound for a couple more years. Honestly, I don't really wanna be an engineer... Why? Say you're an engineer for BMW, what is it likely that you'll be able to afford the car that you've invented, or designed... Sedangkan, some people out there who doesn't even know what sin pi is equal to, or know how to simplify some simple theorem, somehow managed to drive all those beemers that they could ever wanted. Life is hard, but to them, somehow, life is simple.
Life, is somehow easy, sort of like a breeze. It stroked me sometimes, whether am I really doing the right thing? Or because I'm following expectations? If so, whose expectations do they belong to? Am I following my own expectation? Are everybody else's expectations are far more important than my own? How do we even get caught in this dilemma in the first place? That's a question that I kept on reminding myself every single day. Life has no value, if you were to follow the expectations of others. Set your own goal, and trust yourself in making it a reality. (muhasabah diri sekejap)
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